Jaded Renewal
by Flight-of-Fantasies
Summary: A New Year Fanfic...with smut. For some reason, it is not an AU...for the first time ever. IchiGrimm oneshot.


**Jaded Renewal**

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**A/N**: So this is my first time attempting something non AU. New Year 's Eve fic, after the winter war. Grimmjow and Ichigo, of course.

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I looked at the two shinigami incredulously as we sat cross-legged in Urahara's basement.

"You're telling me you've never seen fireworks?!"

Renji looked sheepish and Rukia looked defiant.

"What are you so surprised about? We're too busy protecting the human world from hollows to go sightseeing."

I sighed and ran a hand through my constantly dishevelled orange hair, shaking my head in disbelief.

"But what about the Shiba's?" I retorted.

Rukia's eyes misted over and Renji sent me a warning glance. Ah yeah. Crap.

I only had a few days before my powers would totally fade and Rukia and Renji would remain but a memory. So I had decided to use that precious time to show them my favourite things about my world, to share what I could and make the most of it. After all, I have never been one to dwell on the consequences.

"Well, tonight is the New Year festival and there will be a fair and fireworks down by the river. So we're going, and that's final." I said, determined to make them see the magic.

"Awesome!" Renji punched the air in excitement. "I can't wait to see all the pretty girls in their kimonos! Oh, are Yuzu and Karin going too? I bet they'll look cute."

I shot him a look and made to punch him but Rukia beat me to it. I left them bickering down there and climbed the ladder deftly. Urahara was tinkering away with something as I emerged.

"So I suppose I will need to provide those two with gigais then. Probably kimonos too as everyone seems to be going traditional this year! My, my Kurosaki you sure are good for business~" he sing-songed.

I said nothing and continued toward the front entrance.

"So are you looking forward to seeing all the pretty girls too?" he teased, straightening from whatever he was doing, a brown package in his hands.

I shot him a scowl that could curdle milk but he was unfazed as usual. Sometimes I don't even know why I try.

"This is for you, by the way. Think of it as a thank you." His tone was disturbingly serious for second, before he ruined it by speaking again, "Have fun tonight~"

The package was light and whatever was inside slid around suspiciously. I carried it home, more cautious than curious. This was Urahara we were talking about.

The house was empty when I got home, Goatface and the girls having gone ahead to the festival. I had an hour to kill before meeting Rukia and Renji down there, so I grabbed a drink and went up to my room.

Ever since the end of the winter war, my room no longer had that same comforting feeling it used to. It seemed smaller, somehow, less safe and less important. As if it belonged to someone else. I sighed and shook my head free of such thoughts. I had promised myself I would enjoy this, enjoy my world. Even if it didn't really feel like mine anymore.

I threw the package onto my desk and lay down on the bed. I should be excited, like every other fifteen-year-old. I'm sure Chad and Inoue were already at the river. Ever since the news had spread that my powers were fading they had been…different around me. Nothing flagrant, just more careful, treating me as if I were made of glass. Everybody did, in fact. Even Renji and Rukia, although they tried to hide it.

I couldn't even feel their spiritual pressure anymore. My own flared in uneven bursts, sometimes fading to nothing, sometimes blaring at full blast. It got so bad at one point that Urahara said that standing near me was like drowning in hot lava.

Thinking of him got my curiosity piqued again. I decided to open the package, against my better judgement. Something green and silky slid out in one fluid movement onto the desk. I prodded it tentatively, but nothing seemed amiss. It was simply a piece of jade coloured fabric.

Lifting it up, I realised it was a kimono. A very expensive-looking one at that. The light of the sun, low enough in the sky to be shining through my window, caught it and it shimmered, rivulets of gold cascading like tiny streams amongst the different shades of green, varying from forest to a pale lime.

Trust Urahara to give me something as useless as this for a thank you gift.

I looked at my alarm clock and realised that it was almost seven in the evening, and I was meeting Rukia and Renji at half-past. I was now too unstable to shunpo, and so I would have to walk to usual way.

I glanced at the kimono on my desk again, briefly debating on wearing it or not. I mean…nobody really wore them anymore, but this was the one time I would celebrate with my shinigami friends.

"What the hell," I muttered under my breath, and slipped out of my jeans and t-shirt. The fabric was soft against my skin, as if I were standing under a warm shower, or in a patch of sunshine. I quickly tied the sash, years of practice with Yuzu coming in handy. I rustled around in the bottom of the cupboard for a while, looking for a pair of shoes that weren't Nikes. Finally coming up with some ceremonial sandals I once wore for a school event, I slipped them on over a pair of split-toe socks.

The warm feeling still hadn't left, and my extremities tingled in a very odd manner. I felt...I didn't really have words for it. I felt…fuller. Like, more solid, more present, more real. These past few days I have been feeling thinner and thinner, like a piece of chewing gum stretched too far, or too little butter spread over too much toast. Now I felt stronger than I had in days.

Ah, Urahara. I silently thanked him for whatever he had done, hoping it would have no adverse side effects.

An idea struck me – perhaps I could attempt to be a real shinigami just once more. Just for tonight. I attempted to shunpo downstairs, and to my surprise it worked. A large grin slid across my face despite myself and I made my way to the river, heart lighter than it had been in a long time. A very long time.

The sun was almost ready to set by the time I reached my family and friends down by the river. Renji and Goatface were engaged in soba eating contest, spraying the noodles everywhere whilst glaring at each other. Rukia and Yuzu exchanged disgusted looks at their antics. They then moved onto complimenting each other's outfits; Yuzu was radiant in pale pink, whereas Urahara had somehow managed to rustle one up for Rukia that was the exact shade of her eyes. I snickered when I saw that Karin had somehow been forced to wear a flowery pink affair yet still managed to commandeer Chad into playing football along with a bunch of guys. Chad looked fairly imposing in black, almost reminiscent of a yakuza lord or something. I was glad I dressed up and came.

The others greeted me and cooed over what I was wearing; saying the shades of green complimented my hair and eyes.

"It makes you look gorgeous my precious son!" was Goatface's input. That earned him a swift kick in the guts.

"Nice to see you not in uniform," Rukia remarked. I don't know which she was referring to, my school one or the shinigami.

Inoue blushed as she brought me a bowl of soba and we all sat down on the river bank, chatting amongst the throngs of people, enjoying the mildness of the evening. For the first time in such a long time, I felt at ease.

I lay back on my elbows and considered the scene in front of me. The twins and Goatface were playing some kind of game, Chad and Inoue were deep in conversation off to my right (or at least, Inoue was and he appeared to be listening) and to my left Rukia and Renji were sitting close, simply staring into the water together. Faint music floated down on a current, lilting and sweet, softened as it bounced off the banks of the river. Lights twinkled as night slowly fell upon us and the peace made the corners of my mouth upturn ever so slightly.

Then I felt a burning sensation on my skin, a slight prickling unease as if someone or something was watching me. The hair on the back of neck stood on end and I slowly glanced around. Nothing looked out of the ordinary, and no one else seemed to have noticed anything. I stood up and slipped away from the group, not wanting to disturb their happy mood.

I saw Renji take Rukia's hand out of the corner of my eye, and for some reason that made my heart give an uncomfortable pang.

I drew away from the river, into back alleys of Karakura. The feeling intensified, like an itch that had to be scratched. I wondered briefly if it was just my fading powers on the fritz, yet even as that thought crossed my mind I caught sight of an imposing figure outlined on top of a nearby building.

Then the silhouette flickered and was gone.

Not before I caught hold of the spiritual pressure and followed it, flitting from building to building until I finally caught up on the outskirts of Karakura, where the river flowed through an abandoned building site. The figure was crouched on top of a crane, and that familiar feeling the reitsu had given me suddenly clicked.

Blue hair barely illuminated by a crescent moon, eyes sparkling with excitement and bloodlust, and a sharp smirk slashed across a perfect face. The mask was gone but what was underneath remained the same.

"Shinigami," a low baritone drawled lazily, "Finally I got you alone."

I clenched my teeth and glared at him. I was in no state to fight him. I was in no mood to fight him. The only reason I followed him so far was to keep the threat away from the others.

"What, no witty come back?" he smirked wider, "Come on, that's half the fun."

He suddenly appeared on the rooftop right next to me, so close I could feel the heat radiating off his body. His white hakama rustled on the uneven concrete floor, a minute sound that was only audible due to his proximity. I could feel his spiritual pressure, slightly foreign to my own but also oh so similar, tainted as mine was, an unholy mixture of hollow and shinigami, and an underlying tone of something inexplicably human.

And just as I noticed his, he noticed mine.

"What's up with you Kurosaki? I'm here to collect on my fight and here you are repressing your powers." He sounded offended, and I heard the sharp metallic whisper of him drawing his sword.

"You promised a fight. I'm simply making good on that."

I stayed stock still, unsure of how to react. My breathing was calm, yet my heart rate was slowly slipping out of my control.

"It's not a good time." I stated, emotionless.

He snarled from behind me and I felt, more than saw, his hand twitch minutely. I shunpo'ed behind him just as the sword sliced through the air that I had once occupied.

"Don't fuckin' say that!" his tone was angry, bordering on furious. He tried to slice me again but I moved once more.

"Stop running," he growled, jumping into the air and balancing there on an invisible ledge. I stayed put, knowing full well I didn't have enough power to do the same. Hell, I barely had enough to shunpo again. If not for the kimono, I would have died from the first blow.

"What the fuck is going on?" he stared at me with those deep blue eyes, those eyes that caught the smallest shards of light and projected them right back at me.

I shrugged at him, mouth set in a hard line. Hell if I was going to explain.

"That fire. Where the fuck is that fire? And you feel…different." He sheathed his sword as him contemplated me, then before I could even blink reappeared right in front of me, his face not five centimetres from my own.

I tried to look past him, toward the river, but his eyes commanded all of my attention. They were beautiful.

What the hell?

I think the kimono must be using some of my brainpower to keep my reitsu up, because I did not just think that.

His hands were suddenly on my shoulders and he was shaking me, almost desperately.

"What the fuck Kurosaki? What's wrong with you? What about what you promised me?"

His breath was warm on my face and his shaking made the silk slide up and down my body. He pushed me and I stumbled to the ground, the hard concrete scraping the backs of my legs.

"Fuck this. You're pathetic."

That tone. _That_ tone. Fuck that tone was one I heard once too many. _Aizen _had that tone. The _Soul Society _had that tone. As if after everything, I was still worthless. As if after I had given up my all for them, it was nothing to their eyes. And suddenly all the hurt and anger and rage at the simple _unfairness_ of it all came to a sharp, hard point and overflowed.

I felt my reitsu flicker and flare and burst, overflowing and exploding into a concentrated circle around my body. I didn't need my zanpakto. I would tear this Espada apart with my bare hands.

With a snarl that could easily rival his I was up and knocking him down off the building top, sending him plummeting down to the ground below. I followed him down, landing on his breathless body and straddling his hips and I proceed to punch him in the jaw. And then on the other side. His head snapped back and forth a few times before he managed to throw me off. Not giving him a chance to unsheathe his weapon, I charged into him, my sheer momentum causing him to dent into the concrete breeze blocks. Dust crumbled around as he shot back up into the air. I chased him but not quickly enough, as he had time to draw his sword. I flickered backwards, only just avoiding a sharp jab.

"Draw your sword, Kurosaki!" he yelled, eyes dancing with pleasure. "Come on, let's fight."

"I don't need it to beat you," I replied angrily, blood pumping through my veins as I charged him yet again.

In a blur of green and orange and white and blue we danced across the rooftop, exchanging blow for blow, our spiritual pressure flashing and mixing and clashing much as two swords would. The swirl and whirl we created was a hurricane of pain and grunts and insults and blood.

He laughed manically and I growled like an animal and we fought tooth and nail and sword.

My neck was nicked, his eye was swollen, my ankle was fractured and his rib was broken. I was swordless and yet fast enough to avoid his slashes, even with my ankle. And yet…

And yet I hadn't felt this alive for an age. I hadn't felt this alive when I was fighting Aizen. I hadn't felt this alive when Inoue told me she loved me. I hadn't even felt this alive earlier, watching the others. With this, this Espada, this hollow-shinigami-human hybrid, I didn't feel like an outsider. He hadn't pitied me. And even as we tried to kill one another, I felt content. Whole. The feeling that the kimono gave me, only a thousand times stronger.

And then he had me pinned on the ground, the green silk still smooth as ever and the concrete pressed up onto my back. As he raised his sword, his eyes glinting dangerously, just one thought flashed through my mind.

This was how I wanted to die. By the hand of an enemy I respected, breathless and excited with blood pumping though my veins. I didn't want to be the depressed shell of a being I had been turning into.

Finally, in the darkness of nearly midnight, I smiled. A true smile that cracked my face in two.

Our eyes met, whisky and sapphire, and something happened. A spark, a jolt, electricity and fireworks.

Grimmjow jumped back off of me, his sword clattering out of his hand, eyes wide and hair on end, much like a cat. Lips slightly parted, pink and glistening.

The sky was on fire, raining showers of gold and green and silver.

Fireworks.

Of course, like Rukia and Renji, he had never seen fireworks.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, scared of fireworks.

Then I was laughing. Not just nervous giggles but full-fledged, from deep inside, laughing. The whole situation was hilarious. He was glaring daggers at me but wary all the same. I calmed down, a smile on my lips.

His eyes were big and blue, their pupils dilated. Blood dripped down one corner of his face that was illuminated by the streaming lights from the night sky.

"They're fireworks. It's New Year in the human world, we do it to celebrate." I explained softly, not sure why but wanting to all the same.

"Kurosaki…" he looked up at the sky then back at me.

And I couldn't stop myself. I shunpo'ed forward, knocking him to the ground and finding his lips with my own. We tasted like salt and iron and dust but I didn't care, because the lips I just attacked were attacking me right back.

Soft and slanted and warm, he kissed me back. My hands pinned his arms to the ground and his body moved against mine, his back arching as he brought our chests to meet.

A small moan escaped his mouth into my own as the silk of my kimono caressed his bare stomach and grazed the red of the scar that marred his perfect skin and the swelling of his broken rib. I bit his lower lip gently and allowed my tongue to explore that expanse of warmth that was opened to me. His own tentatively joined me, and it was soft and delicate and so unlike us it made me want to melt right there and then.

My whole body was on fire, wanting to touch everything at once, wanting to completely and utterly thoroughly share every caress, every slight spark that turned ablaze when our skin met. My hands slid from their previous position on his biceps to up his neck and I cupped his cheeks, still feeling warm blood trickling down.

He sat up so I was seated in his lap, and I curled my longs legs around his waist, causing our groins to rub together. I felt a shudder pass through him and I moved my lips from his mouth to his cheek, running my tongue along his sharp cheekbone, cleaning it of the blood that dripped from his black eye.

His large warm hands caressed my back and it was my turn to shiver as the twin sensations of the cool silk and his touch made tingles dance their way along my spine. I ground down onto him, my mouth making a trail from his face down to his neck. He moaned as I gently bit his jawline, but as I went to kiss his neck his hands stilled and his eyes cracked open.

They were so dark with lust they were navy, even with the occasional firework twirling through the sky. The heat from that smouldering look was enough to make me whimper with want.

His hands slowly made their way up to my face and cupped it, his eyes still fixed into my own.

"Kurosaki..." his deep voice was hoarse with want, "I…"

I silenced whatever he was going to say with a harsh kiss, knocking us both back onto the cool ground again. I didn't want to know. I just wanted this moment, right here.

My hands slid under the white material covering his shoulders and I pushed it off, all the while keeping his mouth a prisoner of my own. His found their way to the knot of my obi and he simply tore it off. That act in itself made me moan into his mouth, the raw power and utter Grimmjowness of it making me delirious with want.

I abandoned his mouth and he let his head fall back as I trailed butterfly kisses down his neck. It tasted like sweat and warmth and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I bit his collarbone forcefully and felt a groan vibrate through his chest and he arched up into me, our erections pressing together in delightfully painful way.

I was so hard, it wasn't even funny.

His hands pushed the now loose silk off my shoulders and it slid down my chest to pool in my lap as I took one of his nipples between my lips and sucked gently. My hands slid down his chest to the hole in his abdomen and I couldn't help but run my fingers across the edges. It felt like ice, numbingly incomprehensible, but the mere touch of my fingers was enough to have Grimmjow writhing beneath me uncontrollably, moans and whines pouring out of his mouth in a soft stream, the noises music to my ears.

"Hgnn…"

His hands frantically pushed the rest of my kimono off and I in turn yanked off his white pants. Our skin touching, slick and sliding from sweat and blood, was creating such a wonderful friction that I thought I may pass out from want.

Then his hand was around my arousal and I think I did lose consciousness for a fraction of a second. I was sat between his legs, unable to move, my legs underneath his, as he sat facing me, slowly pumping his hand up and down, eyes half-lidded and fixed on my face, breath coming out in harsh pants.

"Hah…" I couldn't manage anything else. My heart was pounding and blood was pumping through my veins, fire pooled in my stomach. I knew I wouldn't last much longer, and I wanted it to be so much more than this.

I slowly pushed him back down, feeling cold as his hands left my body.

He looked as though he was about to protest, eyes regaining their murderous glint, but I couldn't help it.

I wanted him.

And this was the last time I would be able to do something I want.

So I grasped his muscled thighs and slung them over each of my shoulders, bringing my face closer to his quivering hole. I heard his breath hitch and felt his back arch as I parted his firm buttocks and licked. Then I did it again, slower. Then I gently inserted my tongue into that heat and I felt his thighs clench and heard his voice rumble.

"Ichigo…"

And there it was, he said my name. That deep voice said my name, for the first time ever, and he needed me, he wanted me, he respected me.

Moving faster than I would have thought possible considering how breathless I was, I flipped him over. He rested his elbows on my green kimono and stuck his ass in the air.

His eyes like molten lava glared at me as he turned his head around to look at me.

"Fuck me Kurosaki. Fuck me like you fought me."

I didn't hold back. I don't think I even could have. In one fluid movement, I impaled him, that heat clenching around my weeping arousal like a vice. Our moans intertwined and echoed like a lusty erotic symphony resonating across the abandoned building site.

I started up a brutal pace, our skin slapping wetly, lewdly, but I didn't care.

"Faster," came the demand, and I complied. We were moving so fast it wasn't humanly possible, but then again neither of us were human.

My cheeks were flushed, and fire coursed throughout my body like a forest blaze. I changed the angle slightly; my hands digging into his hips painfully and I brought him higher, and went deeper.

"Fuck…hah…there, shit," Grimmjow cursed, and suddenly that hot hot heat was clenching around me. The climax we had been steadily climbing to was upon us and all I could see was bright light. I think I stopped breathing as I came, hard and deep, inside of the blue-haired male.

He rode out his own, arched back in ecstasy; his back practically touched my chest.

And then I collapsed onto the cold hard concrete, utterly spent, seeing stars.

The last of the fireworks exploded in a beautiful display above us, like champagne frothing from a bottle, casting an unearthly light across the landscape.

I looked at the Espada from the corner of my eye to see him sprawled across the concrete, a satisfied yet confused expression on his face.

It reflected my state of mind exactly.

Then suddenly my vision flickered and he went out of focus: all I could see was a blue blur.

My powers wear fading out again now that I was no longer wearing the kimono.

I grabbed it and threw it over my shoulders and he came sharply back into focus again.

"Fuck," I swore gently under my breath. This sucked.

A gentle whisper of metal upon metal reached my ears and I watched as he pointed his sword at me. Stark naked.

I wasn't even surprised.

"There will be a next time, shinigami." He stated with utter certainty, his eyes powerful as ever, pulling me in like the tide.

Then he sheathed his weapon and shrugged his clothes back on. He sat back down on the ground and stared to the east, expression unfathomable.

I wrapped the green silk around me as best I could and joined him on the concrete.

Our spiritual pressures ebbed and flowed in perfect sync, like waves rolling in a turbulent sea: seeming random but actually following a determined pattern. An hour passed, and then another. The silence was perfect.

The night sky slowly lightened from black to navy, then navy to blue, then purple to pink and orange. The rosy strips illuminated his face, the pale light making him seem more ethereal than ever.

Together we watched the sun rise over a new year. I realised that it wasn't just the light making him seem ethereal.

Grimmjow was fading. He was blurring out, as if someone was effacing him from the earth.

I caught a glimpse of a wink and another feral grin, sharp canines glinting.

"See you soon, Kurosaki." Manic laughter followed.

Then he was gone.

I was still on top of the unfinished building, with no spiritual pressure whatsoever, my powers well and truly down to the last dregs.

And yet…

That feeling still hadn't faded. I was no longer as empty as before. No longer jaded. The world wasn't as lacklustre as it had been yesterday.

I would enjoy my beautiful world, my earth and look to the future with optimism. I stood up, the silk flowing down and catching the sun's rays once again, glimmering as my new found resolve strengthened.

After all, I had a fight to prepare for.


End file.
